The Emotional Experience of Trying to Conceive

When I was younger, the idea of getting pregnant and having a child seemed like such a straightforward, biological process that sexually active couples easily achieved. In fact, what was more mysterious to me was how a couple managed to have just one or two children, and not get pregnant every so often throughout the course of the woman’s fertile years. Naïve, I know, but that was what it looked like to me as a young girl growing up. Infertility was rarely spoken about in my community, and miscarriages were often brushed under the rug like just an unfortunate mishap.

Back then, the equation was simple—sex (at the right time of the month) = pregnancy = equals healthy live birth nine months later.

In my mind, it was a purely physical experience. And early in our marriage, that formula almost played out to the tee. My husband and I got pregnant, with little effort, about a month after walking down the aisle. We knew exactly when it happened. What we didn’t expect was to go into preterm labour in our second trimester. About six months after that loss, we got pregnant again, and once again we knew the exact day it happened; there was no laborious trying, no real effort. It was a simple physical and lovely experience. Unfortunately, it was only after losing that baby, again in the second trimester, that the doctors concluded that I had a problem. An incompetent cervix.

Needless to say that, years later, and a decade into a childless marriage, I’ve been woefully disillusioned regarding conception and fertility. It’s so much more than just a physical experience. It is an overwhelmingly emotional one, especially if you’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant for more than a few months.

Infertility can be an incredibly stressful journey. It can leave you feeling undone if you allow it to consume your life. Just the mechanics involved—timing ovulation, ensuring that the sperm gets to the egg within the hours that it remains viable in the uterus, ensuring that implantation is successful, and further ensuring that your body is a suitable haven of life for the next 40 weeks of pregnancy—can leave you feeling disconnected from the world of ‘normal’ people . Yes, it can be downright stressful and filled with anxiety and doubt and anger and depression, and even shame.

I’ve cried many times. So have friends of mine who are on a similar journey. Each time a pregnancy test returns negative, or your period returns when you were hoping it wouldn’t, it feels like a dagger to the heart.

Unfortunately, stress does not aid the process, and can actually thwart your efforts. If you’re a woman struggling to conceive, know that you’re not alone. There’s a community of women who feel your pain, share your anxiety, and understand your disappointment.

As hard as it may be, try to take time out to relax and rest. Rest and relaxation are vital to your overall health. There’s no need to feel ashamed. You are a woman, full, complete, whole, regardless of your ability to bear a child. Keep your head up and love on yourself.

Here’s to your body,

Her Body and Her.

Image courtesy of iStock.

Fibroids and Your Womb

Often accompanied by heavy menstrual periods and painful cramps, fibroids are often the unwelcomed guests that many women have to put up with throughout their childbearing years.

So, what are they?

Fibroids are firm, noncancerous tumors found in the uterus. They are made up of fibrous connective tissue and smooth muscle cells. If you have fibroids, know that you’re not alone. According to the University of California, Los Angeles, “it is estimated that between 20 to 50 percent of women of reproductive age have fibroids, although not all are diagnosed. Some estimates state that up to 30 to 77 percent of women will develop fibroids sometime during their childbearing years, although only about one-third of these fibroids are large enough to be detected by a health care provider during a physical examination.”

These tumors are usually benign and can range in size—some as small as a pea, and others as large as an orange. Furthermore, though they occur in at least 20% of women, they are more common in women of African descent, affecting up to 50% to 80% of Black women.

What are the symptoms?

While some women don’t experience harsh symptoms, others do. There are a few women in my circle who live with fibroids and struggle with severe symptoms. Each of them has complained about some or all of the following:

• Lower back pain
• Heavy menstrual periods
• Pelvic pain
• Pain during sexual intercourse
• Bleeding between menstrual periods
• Enlarged/bloated abdomen

Can fibroids lead to infertility?

Yes. Unfortunately, depending on the size and location of these tumors, fibroids can reduce fertility. This is due to the fact that fibroids can change the shape and size of the uterus and uterine cavity, either affecting the ability of the sperm to get to the egg or affecting the ability of the embryo to implant in the uterine lining. Large fibroids are also a concern when it comes to the chances of a miscarriage or preterm labour.

Nevertheless, fibroids are not the number one cause of infertility. In fact, there are many women—including my mother—who have gone on to have multiple children, despite their painful fibroids woes. I also know women who have struggled to conceive due to the interruption the fibroids cause in the fertilization process. Fibroids do not have to control your life, however. Many women live full, vibrant lives despite being diagnosed with fibroids. As always, if you suspect that you may have fibroids, see your physician.

Live well and love your body 🙂

Image courtesy of WebMD

The Incompetent Cervix

Of all the things to couple the word “incompetence” with, the female cervix wouldn’t make many people’s lists. But gone are the days when I, like many others, have naively believed that all body parts are created equally, to function optimally in their role. Over the past ten years I’ve learned, rather intimately and tearfully, the betrayal of a cervix that is incompetent or insufficient.

An incompetent or insufficient cervix refers to the condition wherein the cervical length becomes too short during pregnancy or the tissues weaken to a point where the cervix is no longer able to maintain its structural integrity. Consequently, as the baby grows and its weight bears down more heavily on the cervix, the cervix begins to dilate or open prematurely, leading to a miscarriage or pre-term labour. This is probably the most common cause of second-trimester losses.

According to americanpregnancy.org, an incompetent cervix can be caused by one or more of the following reasons:

• Previous surgery on the cervix
• Damage during a difficult birth
• Malformed cervix or uterus from a birth defect
• Previous trauma to the cervix, such as a D&C (dilation and curettage) from a termination or a miscarriage
• DES (Diethylstilbestrol) exposure

 

It can be incredibly heartbreaking to lose an otherwise healthy pregnancy due to an incompetent cervix. However, there are options available to women diagnosed with this issue. Besides bed rest, most women who go on to deliver full-term healthy babies after being diagnosed with an incompetent cervix, report receiving a cervical cerclage, otherwise known as a cervical stitch. The cerclage is a procedure in which the cervix is stitched to help to keep it closed throughout the duration of the pregnancy. It is usually taken out once the pregnancy reaches full term.

For more information on your cervical health and to find out if a cervical cerclage is right for you, consult your physician.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

By the time I was eighteen years old, I knew something was different about—maybe even wrong with—my reproductive system. Things were awry in my body, and my hormonal fluctuations seemed to be the culprit. It wasn’t long before my research led me to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

So what exactly is PCOS?

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, otherwise known as PCOS, refers to a condition that is characterized by an imbalance in the female sex hormones estrogen and progesterone, and unusually high levels of androgens. The cysts that form on the ovaries as a result of the imbalance are benign, fluid-filled masses. PCOS is an incurable condition that can lead to infrequent menstrual periods, infertility, excessive body and facial hair, acne, and obesity. Overtime, it can also lead to diabetes and heart disease.

Symptoms:

Symptoms vary from woman to woman, and some express milder symptoms than others, the most common of which include: acne, obesity or trouble losing weight, extra facial and body hair, hair loss from the scalp, irregular periods (sometimes fewer than eight or nine per year, sometimes none at all), heavy bleeding, and infertility.

(If you are experiencing two or more of the above mentioned symptoms, consult your family physician or health care provider.)

So you have been diagnosed with PCOS, now what? Does it mean you’re doomed to be obese and never have children? No, not at all. While PCOS does wreak havoc on your endocrine and reproductive systems, it does not have to control your life. A healthy, low-glycemic diet and frequent exercise can do wonders for your body and even decrease some of the sypmtoms of this syndrome. Many women report a resumption of a regular menstrual cycle once they lose some weight. And, of course, a regular menstrual cycle is one of the many aspects of maintaining a healthy reproductive system.

I’ve personally never used my PCOS as an excuse for not living my life. Yes, it affects me in ways I wish it didn’t, but it certainly doesn’t own me. I have friends who have had multiple healthy, beautiful children despite the diagnosis. I know many who deny it of its cruel quest for control by engaging in a rigid fitness routine. Unfortunately, there are also those who have not been able to conceive because of it. If you are living with PCOS, know that you are not alone. Choose to live a healthy life, rich in exercise and wholesome nutrition, to alleviate your risk for disease and to improve your overall health.